A true American Hero in Halkegenia
by JackalopeUnlimited
Summary: Do you really think a true american patriot is going to sit there and deal with abuse from a little pink haired girl? Do you think he's going to accept these terrible conditions for the common man? The ridiculousness from the nobles and kingdoms? Do you think he's going to deal with all that as a veteran of a war with the Russian Mafia? Heck no! It's freedom time!
1. Chapter 1

Jake, the Snake, a fat patriotic self proclaimed american warrior, walked up to the front door of the building from his truck, nail gun in hand.

This was it, another mission from the paramilitary group he had been receiving phone calls from. The organization he had come to realize was 50 Blessings. He felt better knowing who he was taking orders from, an organization he himself marched with and supported. Their whole operation was glorious really, all these true americans banding together-killing Russian Mafia, Colombian Cartel, and hell, any scum that was ruining this great nation.

In Miami alone many patriots, many comrades, had fallen. Dennis Wedin, the Wolf, was some geeky kid that cut up the inhabitants of a flat being used by the Russian Mob, some of them even had guns. It was a shame he got caught and gutted outside a convenience store. Waylon Jones, the Alligator, was an old black man who worked in the sewers. Jones busted up an arms deal at a warehouse involving the Boys. It was brutal what he did to those men but not undeserved. He bled to death from gunshot wounds in the sewer. There were others of course. Jake knew that many who fought and died didn't make it to the news. That didn't lessen their accomplishments.

They were heroes, all of them.

Jake put on his cobra mask and pulled back the safety on his nail gun. In hindsight, maybe spending all that money he took from the last mission on a bitchin' truck and a pinball machine wasn't the best idea. A gun would have been nice. Still, that wasn't going to stop him.

He reached behind him and patted the back of his pants, making sure his nunchucks were there if they were needed.

Satisfied, he opened the door and walked up the stairs to the entrance of the first floor.

-

Louise Francois Le Blanc de La Valliere sighed deeply.

Today was the day of the Summoning Ritual, an old tradition where all the students in her year would summon familiars. Although she practiced hard the past few days, there was still a lingering doubt that the summoning would fail and explode like her previous spells had.

Kirche von Zerbst gave her a smug look when the students went out to the field. Louise huffed. She would show that Zerbst just how grand and powerful a familiar she could summon...she hoped.

When Professor Jean Colbert finished his speech, the first student would step up and the ritual would officially begin.

Jake kicked open the door to the apartment.

A Russian guard with a shotgun advanced towards him.

"Who the hell are y-," the Russian asked before he was interrupted by a nail being driven into his forehead.

Across the hall two other Russians attempted to retaliate. The one with an AK took three shots from Jake's nail gun: one in the throat and two in the upper chest. The other armed with a baseball bat desperately charged Jake. He died the same way as the first with a nail driven through his skull after the first shot only hit his eye.

Six rounds expended. Nobody knew he was there yet.

He went to the end of the hall and opened the door. A Russian sitting in a chair by the window took a couple shots from the nailgun before keeling over. A pair of Russians with shotguns calling for help and a doberman came at him from the opposite end of the room. He took cover by the pillar and grabbed the dog by the throat as it came around the corner, smashing the guard of the nailgun into its neck, killing it. Jake leaned out around the right side of the pillar and fired off a killing shot at one of the Russians.

"Motherfucker!" shouted an older looking Russian who burst through the door behind him shotgun blazing. Jake barely avoided the blast and fired four rounds into the man, killing him. He had lost the element of surprise, others would be coming to his position like the Russian at the end of the room charging at his position. Jake simply rounded the pillar and shot the man in the back of the head. He ran towards the other end of the room, taking position by a door.

"Can't a man take a fucking shit in this god damn house!?" a man from the door Jake was next to shouted as he kicked it open submachinegun thrust outwards. Jake held against the force of the door being thrown open and kicked the door back, knocking the man to the floor before shooting him.

The door to his left burst open. He emptied the rest of his nail gun into the two Russians that emerged before tossing it aside and picking up a submachinegun. A pair of Russians taking cover at the doorway opened up on him with their AKs, forcing him to run back to the pillar gun blazing on the other side of the room lest he get stuck in the bathroom. Once safely behind the pillar, he fired another burst at the door.

He was met with the sound of shattering of glass and an "Oh fuck!" from one of the Russians before the room exploded, shaking the building and releasing a deafening noise. As if that wasn't enough, the room above it exploded too. When he recovered, he grabbed a shotgun and cleared the rest of the first floor. Dropping his empty nail gun by the entrance so he could grab it on the way out, Jake readied himself for the second floor.

-

Whatever Louise summoned it wouldn't be as bad what Guiche had summoned. A very large mole he decided with much disappointment to name Verdandi. A pompous jerk like him had it coming she thought.

The other familiars had been the standard fair of assorted animals. One student got a floating eye creature and that was a strange sight. Next up was Zerbst who winked at Louise as she began the summoning. Louise snarled in annoyance and hoped that she summoned something mundane, like a chicken.

Was she surprised when a flaming Salamander appeared.

"Fucking Russkies!" Jake shouted as his now empty AK slammed against the head of one of the Russians on the second floor. Jake was a strong man but it was still far fetched that a gun could be thrown with such force as to split a man's head open and kill him almost instantly in a gruesome fashion. Why, some inexperienced people would be stunned in absolute horror. Which Jake capatilized on as he approached and proceeded to beat the last two Russians on the second floor to death with his Karate.

Louise's mood had soured. Zerbst had summoned an amazing familiar. If Louise didn't summon something just as good, or even worse, failed, she'd never hear the end of this, and that's if she didn't drop out. Over two thirds of the students had finished the ritual. Soon it would be her turn...

She was torn from these thoughts by an amazing sight. Tabitha had summoned a dragon!

-

Jake climbed the stairs to the entrance of the third floor.

"We're getting the fuck out of here and that's final! The cops will be here any minute. Tolya, cover the stairs. Petrov, watch the rear as we go down, make sure none of the product gets left behind. You're welcome to follow us out but after that you're on your own, we're not taking any chances with those mask wearing shits!"

He stopped at the door, he could hear footsteps coming towards him. A lot of footsteps. Jake felt something, his "inner animal or some shit" as he liked to call it. He dropped his shotgun to the ground and grabbed his nunchucks. This was stupid, even to a guy like him, but it felt right.

He prepared himself.

"I am an American Badass. A warrior, a Russkie killin' machine."

He began a few warm up motions with his nunchucks.

"And this is my Havoc."

His motions got faster and faster.

One of the Russians opened the door and he moved in. Nine men were before him, some carrying guns, others makshift melee weapons and bags of their product. In a hurry, they bunched up.

He killed all of them within 20 seconds.

Jake, who was now drenched in the blood of his enemies looked down the hall at a portly black man glaring at him.

"So you're one of those, those mask wearing psychos fucking up our business. Forcing us to throw our lot in with these fucking foreigners."

He cracked his knuckles.

"Come on, pussy, if you've got the balls," the black man said as he beckoned Jake to him.

Jake put his nunchucks away and assumed a Karate stance.

"I'm gonna fucking kill you," Jake remarked.

Their fight was quick and brutal, no contest really. The man couldn't even touch Jake and went down in a pool of blood. Jake stomped his head into mush as was common procedure when dealing with large enemies.

He grabbed a shotgun by the door to the stairs and walked back down to the ground floor. He retrieved his nailgun and walked out.

A van was pulled up by his truck. He recognized the driver as the manager from 50 Blessings. Jake walked over to him.

"Oh good, you're alright...Look we need to talk," the man said.

"There's a safe place not far from here. How about I take you there?" he continued.

Jake grinned under his mask.

"Yeah man, lead the way! I'm here to serve. I think I can be of some real help to your organization, sir! I have to say, I'm..."

"We have to get out of here now," the man interrupted. "The cops will be here any minute."

"Oh, you're right about that, sir! Let's go," said Jake as he walked to his truck.

Jake sat at a desk in the safehouse. The 50 Blessings representative sighed.

"This is going to be a long night..." he said with tired manner. "How about I go get us some coffee?"

"Sounds good to me, sir! When you get back, I've got some ideas I'd like to share with you! I've been thinking long and hard about all this, I'm-"

"Wait here, I'll be right back."

The representative left the room, leaving Jake to collect his thoughts. During his stint working for the organization, he had killed 77 men. Now he was going to consult with his superior, offer some suggestions, and maybe even get a commendation. His thoughts were interrupted by the opening of a green portal to his left.

"What the fuck?"

He heard some voice coming from it. Was she speaking french? Jake did what he does best when faced with a problem. He stood up from the chair and punched the portal. He was sucked in not long afterwards.

The representative returned to the room with pistol in hand. He noticed the empty chair and grimaced.

"That fucking snake," he muttered.

-

Despair.

That is what Louise de La Valliere felt that moment. Even with Kirche's teasing, she still had her pride as a Valliere. So she made the perfect incantation, one that would give her a powerful and beautiful familiar, one that could make everyone else's pale in comparison, to prove them wrong from all the years of teasing and bullying. What did she get for all that hard work, researching and practicing? One of her biggest explosions yet.

"Don't know what I was expecting," one of the students said inbetween coughs. Other students said similar things. Louise's despair ceased however. She saw something through the smoke, something large and round looking. There was still hope yet.

Tabitha was the next to notice something in the smoke, so she cast a wind spell to clear the field. The wind brought a certain familiar smell to Professor Colbert, one that snapped him from his tired demeanor associated with the whole ordeal. Blood.

As the smoke cleared, a fat man with a shaved head covered in dried blood gazed at the students in front of him. They were stunned silent, some of them even fainted.

He stepped forward, eyeing the assembly. Colbert raised his staff and Tabitha her wand. The professor noticed the man's eyes, they were like a snake's. The eyes of a killer.

"Who the fuck are you people?" 

Author's note: I am not a writer and this was a very rough first chapter. In all likelihood, I will come back and rewrite it after a few more chapters. I find the concept of an American nationalist like Jake being flung into the aristocratic world of Halkegenia to have a lot of good laughs and badassery potential, that's not even taking into account what I have planned for some of the other Hotline Miami characters somewhere down the line.


	2. Chapter 2

"What did he say?"

"Is that blood!?"

"He looks awfully mad."

"And fat."

Whispers of a language unknown to Jake spread through the crowd of what looked like catholic school students to him. Professor Colbert carefully scrutinized the man to determine whether he was a threat or not. Tabitha was tense and gripped her staff while Kirche looked at him with an amused expression. Lousie was frozen as if unable to accept that she had summoned the man standing before her.

"What the heck are you people saying? Speak American you little bastards! Tell me where the hell I am!" Jake shouted at the strangely dressed people before him.

The whispering stopped. The students were unsure of how to act given the circumstances. This silence continued for a short while until a voice spoke up from the crowd.

"So...Louise summoned a commoner then?"

Another short pause...and then, a return to normalcy as laughter erupted from the assembled students.

 _Are these punks laughing at me?_

"Hey! Show some goddamn respect!" Jake yelled.

Louise recovered from the initial shock and took up the mask of her mother's rule of steel once more. The man she summoned appeared to be yelling what were no doubt obscenities at her fellow nobles in whatever strange language he spoke as he shook his fist at them. This however only served to make them laugh more.

"Professor Colbert, I demand the opportunity to retry the summoning!" she shouted at the professor.

He winced slightly at her volume. It always amazed him how such a little girl managed to be so loud.

"Miss Valliere, you know well that it is against the rules to retry the summoning," he replied calmly.

"I'm afraid this man standing before us is your familiar. Now, please finish the binding ritual. There are still some other classes going on."

Louise gave a disgusted look but eventually sighed in resignation. She figured that at the very least, she finally had proof that she was a mage. Even if that proof was a fat, greasy, unwashed commoner. Thinking like that only made what she had to do next even worse so she sucked it up and walked towards the man.

Jake paused his tirade about respect and how he was going to beat the asses of all who were gathered before him as Louise walked up to him. She had pink hair which he thought was strange given how natural it looked but then, maybe it was some new fashion trend or something. What was even stranger were her pink eyes. They distracted him with how unnatural they seemed compared to back home. This girl hadn't been laughing so when she motioned for him to squat so that they were face to face, he complied.

She whispered the words of the contract and then kissed him on the lips. Upon parting their lips, she briefly turned away from him and gagged.

 _My first kiss... given to a disgusting commoner..._

"Huh, it's about time I got some sort of recognition around here."

Jake then noticed his hand starting to glow. He clutched his wrist and fell to his knees grimacing in pain.

"You bitch, what the hell did you do to me!?"

"Quit being such a wimp, it's only the runes being inscribed on your hand."

Then it got brighter. And hotter. Really hot. He grit his teeth hard in attempt to stop himself from howling in agony. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity the pain stopped and the light faded. He looked at the back of his hand to see some strange symbols embeded into it like a tattoo.

Jake was pissed. He rose to his feet and stormed over to the one who made him experience such pain. Colbert took a light combat casting stance to protect the Valliere girl if needed.

"Start talking. What the hell is this thing on my hand? If I dont like what I hear, things are going to get really violent. Quit speaking goddamn french already," he growled at her.

"I am Lousie Francoise Le Blanc de la Valliere, and it appears we can understand each other now, monsieur...?"

"Jake," he replied. "And what do you mean now?"

"Well 'Jake', that 'thing' on your hand allows us to communicate across the language barrier. At least, that holds true for regular familiars. I suppose we are fortunate that this also applied in your case before things got out of hand. Normally your conduct would be unacceptable but I suppose it can be excused given the circumstances," Louise said while trying to maintain her civility.

"That's good and all but what the hell is a familiar and how does this fancy tattoo work? Never seen this writing before either, what is it?" he asked.

"Familiars I can understand, but a tattoo? You don't even recognize runes? What kind of backwater Germanian hole in the ground did you crawl out of? Why am I cursed with an ignorant half-wit for a familiar?" she asked herself losing whatever politeness she had managed to muster for her newly summoned familiar.

"Half-wit? Now look here you little pink midge-"

"Ahem." Colbert interrupted.

They both turned and glared at him. He ignored this and tried to ease the tension.

"Monsieur Jake is it? May I see the runes on your hand? I need to keep records for later," he asked politely.

"Yeah, sure thing." Jake said holding out his hand.

"And I must give congratulations to you Miss Valliere. You completed the contracting ritual perfectly," he said while copying the runes on Jake's hand into his notebook.

"Thank you professor," she replied simply.

Professor Colbert let out a relaxed sigh having defused the situation and completed the drawings for all the familiars. A thought was nagging at the back of his mind, he could've swore he had seen the runes on the man's hand before. However, that was for another time and place.

"I'll have to ask you to continue your talk later, Miss Valliere. We must return to the main building," he said.

"Of course professor." Lousie replied. She seemed to have calmed finally.

"This event is highly unusual monsieur Jake. After I consult with the Headmaster, we'll all have a discussion regarding your situation. Please remain with Miss Valliere for the time being."

"Sure, just don't call me monsieur. Makes me sound like an asshole."

Professor Colbert grinned at Jake before walking back to the other students while flipping through the pages of his notebook. Kirche and Tabitha approached Louise.

"Oh my, Louise, what an interesting and strong looking familiar you've summoned!" Kirche teased.

Jake wasn't very good at picking up on some things so he all but jumped at the attractive young woman complimenting him. "Hey there, gorgeous, what's your name?" he asked in as suave a manner as he could manage.

She rolled her eyes and turned to give a mischievous smirk to Louise.

"Don't you dare..." Louise muttered as she glared at the von Zerbst.

"Alright everyone, back to the classroom!" the professor shouted.

Some of the students made their standard "zero" jeers to Louise as they left with Kirche receiving the most vocal response. Jake however payed no attention to any of that because these people were flying. He followed the now fuming Louise towards away from the students toward the residential building.

"Hey Louise, how the hell are those people flying?"

She sighed. "It's a wind spell."

"Spell? Like magic? Woah, magic is real? That's some crazy shit. How does it wor-"

"Later," she interrupted with an annoyed expression. She wasn't in the mood to deal with some ignorant barbarian right now. She was still coming to terms with her familiar being a useless commoner. At least, from the impression she was getting.

"Wait why aren't you fly-"

"LATER," she growled grinding her teeth. Her anger slowly building.

"What's up with that zero thing they keep calling you?"

Her eyes shut tight and her fist was shaking slightly.

 _I have to remember that he doesn't know any better. There's no need to be upset. I need to keep it together. Rule of Steel. Rule of Steel. Rule of Steel._

She took a deep breath and managed to keep herself from exploding at the poor ignorant commoner that accompanied her and so she decided to simply ignore his questions for the rest of the walk back.

Jake being in awe about the whole ordeal let her dismissal slide this time.

 _I still have no idea where the hell I am. This sure as hell aint the good ol' US of A._

They entered the building and he followed Louise up to her room.

 _I need to figure out how to get back and fast. My country needs me!_


End file.
